Today has been a hard day. It's not as if anything has happened. It has been a pretty normal day. I think what made it hard is just the constant struggle for joy. Does it have to be so hardly won? Why can't it just come so easily? I'm pretty sure this is not the "life abundant" that has been promised to me. Why must I strive for joy? Isn't this supposed to be something that is a result of one's intimate (or not) relationship with God?
Why must I be constantly mired in sin? What is the purpose of today in shaping me for tomorrow? Must I even look forward to tomorrow? So many questions... I'll be glad if even one of them is answered. Silence seems to always be the answer.
If You grow silent with me, Your silence will be the end of me.
I too, shall grow silent.
