Last Thursday, Selina challenged a whole bunch of us to think of the lies that we believe in and write it on a piece of paper. What she didn't say was that we would have to share these lies to each other. Moment of openness and vulnerability. I didn't really like it. It was too exposing. Like being naked amongst a crowd. I'm a big fan of openness and vulnerability, but it doesn't mean I don't have problems with it! It's an area that I'm still continuing to grow in.
"I'm never good enough", "I'll never be good enough", "No one loves me", "No one will ever love me", "No one could ever love me". I think one of the biggest ones that I think I'm slowly letting myself to believe is the lie that "I have sinned way too many times and because of it, Jesus has given up on me".
The I love you's fall on deaf ears. The you're awesome's drop to the ground, never reaching its destination. The more people encourage, the more empty I feel that they have wasted their encouragements on someone like me. In my lucid moments, they mean the world to me. In my darkest moments, they are noise in the background. There is such a big difference between who they say I am and who I think I am.
And while all of this goes on, He remains silent.
Deafening silence.
and scene...
