Last Thursday, Selina challenged a whole bunch of us to think of the lies that we believe in and write it on a piece of paper. What she didn't say was that we would have to share these lies to each other. Moment of openness and vulnerability. I didn't really like it. It was too exposing. Like being naked amongst a crowd. I'm a big fan of openness and vulnerability, but it doesn't mean I don't have problems with it! It's an area that I'm still continuing to grow in.
"I'm never good enough", "I'll never be good enough", "No one loves me", "No one will ever love me", "No one could ever love me". I think one of the biggest ones that I think I'm slowly letting myself to believe is the lie that "I have sinned way too many times and because of it, Jesus has given up on me".
The I love you's fall on deaf ears. The you're awesome's drop to the ground, never reaching its destination. The more people encourage, the more empty I feel that they have wasted their encouragements on someone like me. In my lucid moments, they mean the world to me. In my darkest moments, they are noise in the background. There is such a big difference between who they say I am and who I think I am.
And while all of this goes on, He remains silent.
Deafening silence.
and scene...
2 comments:
Hey Sid, that sounds like a pretty intense time of sharing! It sounds like it's been quite a journey for you, being in NA. When are you coming back? Hope to see you in Ottawa when you return:)
Sid!
God's timing is perfect, though I find it interesting how much we can muck up the interm with thoughts of doubt, fear, insecurities...
this morning, a pastor at church talked on phil 4:8 and our thought life. Apparently we think of 50,000 thoughts a day and 90% of them are in fact recurrent. How our thoughts do determine the trajectory of our life Proverbs 4:23. The challenge then is to think about what we are thinking and to nurture great thoughts...to no longer conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of our mind.
some verses to exchange that negative script with
psalm 46:1, psalm 73:24, Isaiah 26:3, Mathew 11:28, Luke 17:21, john 8:32, john 10:10, john 14:27, Philippians 3:13-14, Philippians 4:13, 2 Timothy 1:7
please continue praying for wisdom with conflict resolution..it's pulling me down on the homefront at this time....though God is good all the time and it is building stronger relationships (at least with HIM)
God bless!
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