Today has been a hard day. It's not as if anything has happened. It has been a pretty normal day. I think what made it hard is just the constant struggle for joy. Does it have to be so hardly won? Why can't it just come so easily? I'm pretty sure this is not the "life abundant" that has been promised to me. Why must I strive for joy? Isn't this supposed to be something that is a result of one's intimate (or not) relationship with God?
Why must I be constantly mired in sin? What is the purpose of today in shaping me for tomorrow? Must I even look forward to tomorrow? So many questions... I'll be glad if even one of them is answered. Silence seems to always be the answer.
If You grow silent with me, Your silence will be the end of me.
I too, shall grow silent.
1 comment:
SID!!!!!
i think you know my thoughts...haha
you are the second person i've told (Eunice...my better half being the first) but Power to Change HO called today to inform me that I was not accepted on stint...apparently too emotionally fragile at this point in the journey of healing...now i want to know what Jim wrote...JKS
Honestly, the call came with relief and anxiety as I'm still very much in the dark re His next step...come Sept.
We are called to live life and live it abundantly but now i just seem to be in a plaque of confusion. I do find the daily C4C verse by verses to be very helpful. Right now is a verse by verse through the book of James and today i read over 1:3 again "...knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience"
I don't have the answers my friend, but He does. Keep trusting and send me an e-mail some time.
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