So I am here in beautiful Sorrento, Italy. Why then am I blogging? Is it because it's me and I blog all the time. Not really. I'm doing this because I need to write... it helps me consolidate my thoughts and my feelings. Sometimes in the process of writing, things come out that I didn't even really expect. I don't have my journal and so I can't really write. This is one of the outlets that I have. And since I haven't blogged in a while... might as well kill two birds with one stone.

I have been blessed to get a chance to go to "unnamed city in North Africa". During that time, it was just me and the Lord. It was a beautiful time. I learned so much during that time. It was one of the few times that I had a chance to do personal meditations. To just think about God. It was a wonderful time. Then I had to get back to work for about a week, then go to a visa trip and spend some vacation here in Italia.

Last night, Angela asked what is one of the best moments of the STINT year so far. I had to really think hard because there were a lot of good things, good experiences that I've had during this year. My response somewhat shocked even me... but if I truly thought long and hard about it, it was really true. I said that one of the best experiences I've had during this year are the conflict resolutions I've had with my team. Those conflict resolutions gave me a better understanding of who they are as a person and has given me the challenge to let them speak for themselves instead of me making something up that I think is themselves. Conflict resolutions challenge me that what I think of them and who they truly are are sometimes two very different people. I think they do things to hurt me intentionally when they did not even have that thought when they said or done that thing. It has given me deep friendships instead of superficial ones. On the train ride to Sorrento, Andrew and I had a really long discussion about many different things. As a result, I truly feel that this time around, all the cards are now out in the open and that this is the launching pad for a more honest, true and vulnerable relationship with each other. Honesty and vulnerability sucks because it opens up doors for getting hurt. But, with great afflictions come great joys. And with great joys, come great afflictions.

One of the things that I have noticed in myself these last couple of days is my extreme self-centeredness and prickly pride. I read something a long time ago that still convicts me. It was talking about us being servants and the way to realize if you are acting like a servant of Christ is when other people start treating you like a servant. When people treat you like a servant, do you react like a servant? Or do you start standing up for your rights and privileges? Thoughts of "how dare this person treat me this way? Who does s/he think s/he is?" Yet, the moment that I became a Christian, I gave up all of my rights and ownership of who I am. Christ is now the owner of me. He has complete control over me. Complete. I don't think of myself as a servant of Christ... if I was completely honest, I think that Christ is my servant. My personal genie in the bottle. He gives me blessings, heals my diseases, rescues me from all kinds of calamity... but forget that whole part about "fellowshipping in His sufferings". My Master was spat upon, mocked, even brutally killed. I am less than my Master. But, I think that I deserve better treatment than Him. This is the type of Christianity I have unwittingly joined. This is not Christianity. This is what is called Humanity. Christianity says that I will be persecuted and reviled of men, and WHEN this happens, not IF, I should greatly rejoice in it. Rejoice. This is going to be one lengthy process... but I do hope and pray that at the end, I shall be found to be a Christian, not human. I pray for "mortification of the flesh and the vivification of the Spirit".

I was reading my friend's blog and those are pretty much my thoughts.

and scene...