I have been noticing myself changing. I have noticed changes within myself. I don't know sometimes if they're good changes... but it comforts me to know that i am changing. I'd rather change for the worse than be stagnantly good.
My heart is slowly being encased in ice. I grow cold to those around me. But in the same way that I grow cold, my heart is also feeling the cold turn to lukewarmness to warm. Such warmth that I can wonder if such love is good because I ache when I feel it.
My mind twirls, spins, is confused. My heart wants to experience freedom from the bitterness, yet exercises bitterness towards others. Confusion.
I am weak. It's going to take awhile for me to control the mind. To direct my mind. To subjugate it. To control it. To make it submissive.
That's definitely a change I can't wait to come.
6 comments:
"I'd rather change for the worse than be stagnantly good."
What does it look like to be "stagnantly good?" Is there such a thing?
i think by stagnantly good, i mean people who are nice and kind in demeanour, but no change is happening in their life. they're not getting nicer and kinder.
and i mean good as in "good". coz obviously if ur not changing, ur not growing. and not growing is not good.
but isn't "changing for the worse" still not growing?
It sounds like what you are saying is you would rather be moving in any direction than standing still, even if it was the wrong direction?
hmm.. how is your heart growing icy and warm at the same time? je ne comprends pas.
i don't know when you changed the format of your blog....but i like it...
shoot, i just read the previous post.
i am a dork.
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