Happiness is...

something that I have not been feeling for awhile now. It seems to elude me. I do have brief glimpses, from time to time, but it has not yet stayed with me. The moment I think I have it, it slips away, seemingly into oblivion.

This year has definitely been one of the toughest, most challenging, year I've had so far, to the best of my recollections. Because of it, I have had to rely on God so much more... much more than I have ever had before. I'm pretty sure that after processing the year, and the lessons to be had, I will come out a better person. Right now, it's more on the bitter part. My teacher said: "Les gens sont malheureux a cause de deux choses: sensations d'inutilite et sensations vide." I would say, to oversimplify everything that has been going on in the past year, this is it. Feelings of worthlessness and feelings of emptiness can really cause someone to not be happy.

There has been a lot of struggling through things this year, but at the same time, there has been times of triumph. Sadly, those times are few and far in between.

And, I don't necessarily think that I have joy at this point too.


Here's hoping to future happiness... and future joy!


and scene...

Happy

Itz been awhile since I could say I'm happy... so I'm really happy that I'm experiencing happiness again. Living under gloomy and stormy clouds for awhile, itz nice to see the light shining again. And oh, how it shines and warms my soul. "How long have I been in this storm?" turns into "This is the day that the Lord has made/I will rejoice and be glad in it".

What have I learned during this time? Well, I learned that there is no such thing as a personal sin. All sins are relational sins. If I personally sin, it WILL affect other people. I mean, I knew this... but it was shown to me in a very personal way. I learned that forgiveness is going to take something out of me... just like forgiving me took something from Jesus. Forgiveness is coupled with restoration of a relationship not just words said to a person. I learned that I'm willing to change if I see people the way that they're supposed to be seen and not when I see people the way that I see them. I learned that I'm too busy being an image-builder instead of an image-bearer. I care more about building an image that others will see than just faithfully bearing it. I learned that we're not broken because we sin, we sin because we're broken. I learned AGAIN that though my sins are great, my God is greater. He's the One who changes me, not me changing myself though my own personal will and efforts.

Je t'adore mon Seigneur. T'es mon esperance et mon tout en tout.


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