The Road To Apathy

I think I'm an autonomous person who wants to live in community but if it requires more effort than I'm willing to expend or I just start thinking it's not worth it, I go back to my default mode. I give up on people very quickly. VERY quickly. The mentality is one of "I don't need you, you don't need me, let's be civil but we'll never be friends".

I think I'm definitely on the road to apathy.

I know that isolation is a tactic that the Enemy is rather proficient at executing, especially in a place like North Africa. And if I really look at my situation, it is rather lonely. I have no friends nor family here with me. I do have a team, who will be like a family to me, eventually. I hope that I allow that to happen. This is not to say that I don't consider my teammates as my friends... but... I'm used to having a wider network of friends to socialize with and to be vulnerable with. Wow, I do feel alone.

He loves me in a way that I can never comprehend and that definitely helps in not spiralling into the abyss of despair. I do have friends who reach out to me, one even in my team. Yet the road to apathy is so broad and so easy to walk to. The road to love is a lil bit unmarked and hard to follow, because the path is so untrodden.

I hope I choose the road to love.


and scene...